LinkedIn became the Tinder of the recruiting world. Here are 21 timeless rules of dating to help you land the client of your dreams, even on the meat market that is LinkedIn.
David Stephen Patterson
The Digital Headhunter · 9 min read
Many of you may not know this, but this handsome fella here was once a footloose and fancy-free young buck, spending my weekends chasing love. And chasing a few other things I might add. Hehehe.
Exhibit A: your author, allegedly out chasing love. The fur coat was a choice. And yes, before anyone files a report, this one's AI-generated. I was never quite this ridiculous. Quite.
Much like in my recruitment career, where I witnessed the transformation of an industry with the introduction of LinkedIn, I witnessed the transformation of our dating lives as we went from strictly meeting people through bars and clubs to the advent of Match, OkCupid, and Tinder.
LinkedIn has become the Tinder of the recruiting world, with its ability to help recruiters easily identify leads, research their contact details, bypass gatekeepers right on the platform, and continuously stay in front of prospects.
But it's created as many problems as it's solved.
Starting in this business over two decades ago, when I wanted to find a lead to sell to, I had to be referred to one or find them phone prospecting:
"Can you tell me who the Manager of the IT Dept is, ma'am?"
Much like when I was a young buck, and the only way to score a date was through my limited social circle, or to gather enough courage to walk up to a pretty girl and risk rejection.
Ahhh, the good ol' days, when you had to earn your stripes.
Meet the party-boy. He's calling your future client right now.
You see, the problem nowadays isn't finding leads to sell to. Much like today's youth who can keep swiping right to their heart's content without fear of outright rejection, in today's LinkedIn world there's an almost endless supply of hiring decision-makers an enterprising young recruiter can spam relentlessly.
Unlike in 'my day,' where we had to earn our dates (oops, clients! I'm mixing up my analogies), nowadays it's just too damn easy, and with the push of a button a recruiter can mass-message hundreds of prospects in a single day.
The rules of the game have evolved, my young recruiter. You've got a sharp script. You've got a solid service. You even wore a tie and polished your shoes before you sat in front of your work-from-home corner desk.
With an army of "leg-humping" recruiters swiping right on every prospect, how do you stand out from the "party-boys" looking for a one-night-stand with your future long-term clients?
Don't worry, your boy DSP is here to help with his 21 timeless rules of dating to help you land the client of your dreams, even on the meat market that is LinkedIn.
So are you ready to get your LinkedIn dating game on point? Then take a knee and listen up, young Padawan.
First, Let's Assess the Environment We Play In
Rule 01
You're Not the First
Know that your prospects likely already have a recruiter they're comfortable with. Don't kid yourself. You know you're not the first recruiter to approach them, and you're likely not even the 100th. They have plenty of other options more vetted than you are.
Rule 02
Some Prospects Are on the Rebound
They're fresh off a recruiter break-up and looking for a good time with another. That's a very small percentage of the market, however, and you can't build a viable dating strategy as the 'rebound guy.'
"Let's have a little fun, then I have to run." You can't build a business chasing prospects on the rebound.
Rule 03
Not All Relationships Are Healthy
Many prospects aren't 100% happy with their recruiting partners, but not so unhappy that they're actively looking for someone like you. These are your bread and butter leads that you should be focusing on.
Rule 04
LinkedIn Is a Tinder / Dance Club Mashup
This is where all the client decision-makers, and those who want to sell stuff to those decision-makers, mingle. Recruiters and salespeople are out in force, strutting their stuff (being visible and engaging on the newsfeed), and constantly hitting up their prospects in lame attempts to 'hook up' (get a job order), or at the very least, 'get their digits' (get a meeting).
Rule 05
This IS a Numbers Game
Your odds of meeting 'The One' are slim if you take too narrow an approach. You have to be swiping right on a lot of prospects at scale, otherwise you'll never generate the critical mass you need in order to gain real traction.
Rule 06
BUT, This Is NOT Just a Numbers Game
Trying to over-automate your outreach with zero personalization is the equivalent of walking up to every girl in the club asking for those sweet, sweet digits. You may get lucky once in a blue moon (see the rebound rule above), but that's the exception, not the rule.
How to Solve That Problem
Rule 07
Conversations Matter
The MORE conversations you have, the MORE discovery calls you will book, the MORE clients you will sign, the MORE money you will make, and the MORE people you will help.
Rule 08
Baby-Step Your Conversations
Your immediate goal should not be hooking up right away. Your immediate goal should be to get your prospects to engage with you, spark a conversation, and elicit a response. That's it. Unless they're on the rebound, no one's going to just jump in bed with you.
Rule 09
Be Genuine
Even if you're semi-automating your outreach, the more genuine you come across, and the more your opener grabs their attention, the more likely they will be to respond to you. Remember, whether it's a positive or negative response, any reply is better than being ignored.
Rule 10
They Don't Have to Be on the Market to Be Available
Your prospects don't need to be on the rebound to be a great lead for you. They simply need to have a current or future need for recruiting services, and not be completely satisfied with their current solutions. It's a dawg-eat-dawg world, ammarite?
Desperation has a smell. Don't be this guy either.
"But DSP, How Do I Get That Date?"
Rule 11
Be Funny
Much like Rule 9 (being genuine), using light humor is one of the best ways to show that you're genuine, AND you'll be much more likely to elicit a response. Remember, your goal isn't to sell your service on your first message. Your only goal is to elicit a response, and that's it.
Rule 12
Ask Questions
Remember this David Ogilvy quote: "If you want to be interesting, you have to be interested." That means asking questions. Asking questions elicits a response by using our basic human psychology, because humans are hard-wired to answer questions when asked. Questions also force the brain to think about that thing automatically. A simple question like "What's your biggest frustration in finding financial leadership talent that can navigate these new finance regulations?" can force your CFO prospect to think about that very thing, IF there's an underlying pain there.
If you want to be interesting, you have to be interested. David Ogilvy, the original "Father of Advertising," and righter than most recruiters will ever admit.
Rule 13
Look for Chemistry Before Making Your Move
The purpose behind asking questions and eliciting their response is to see if there's chemistry between you and the prospect, or in other words, seeing if there's a hiring pain that you can potentially solve. If not, you move on. If it looks like there could be, then on to Rule 14.
Rule 14
Never Forget to Ask for the Date
Don't get stuck in an endless conversation to nowhere. If there's potential interest, don't be afraid to ask for the number even if you know you'll be rejected a large percentage of the time. Get used to rejection. The most successful people in the world have earned exponentially more rejections than anyone else. So ask yourself: "How fast can I get some rejections under my belt?"
Rule 15
Always Make It Clear That a Date With You Is 'No-Pressure'
Always make your date a no-pressure affair: "Sounds like we could help with [PAIN]. Let's jump on a quick call, because I might be able to solve that for you. We're very good at what we do, and if I can help I'll tell you exactly how. If not, I'll get you pointed in the right direction. Either way, I'll make sure you get this taken care of."
Rule 16
The First Objection Just Means "No, Not Yet"
Unless they tell you to "take a hike" or worse, most objections you get at this stage of the game are simply smoke screens. Deflect, continue the dialogue, and ask again. It's the second objection that usually turns out to be the real objection anyway.
And Once You're on the Date
Rule 17
Always Control the Pace
Keep it light and conversational, but have a purpose and direction for your call. Your goal is to determine if there's a real need or pain you can solve, and find out if there is real potential for you to help them. Go into the call looking to answer these specific data points, and understand that there will be a significant percentage you will not be able to help. If you can't, move on.
Rule 18
Stay Out of the Friend Zone
If they can legitimately use your help, don't be afraid to offer. You will get rejected. Accept that fact and keep asking anyway. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your princess, but you'll never find your princess if you're not willing to kiss some frogs. Remember, staying safe from rejection also means you're safe from attracting new clients. So pucker up, you charming rogue.
Rule 19
Have Some Damn Standards
No one wants to be with someone with no standards. A date is a two-way street, and if your date doesn't meet your qualifications, drop 'em like a bad habit.
Rule 20
Treat Your New "Boo" Like Gold
Realize that you got your new client from another recruiter who didn't treat them right. And your new relationship will be under attack by scores of recruiters swiping right on your new sweetie. Don't take your client for granted, or another recruiter may sweep them off their feet.
Rule 21
Do NOT Be a Pushover
One of the best pieces of relationship advice I've ever received came from my father, and you'll find it right below this rule. It's ok to put your client on a pedestal, but make sure that you're on an equal one too. Make sure they see your value, that other prospects want to be with you, and that they would be a fool to take you for granted.
So there you have it: DSP's Top 21 Dating & Business Development Rules. Now go out there and hit the town, ya scallywags.
People are attracted to your strengths, not your weaknesses. That's my dad, Stephen 'Steve' Patterson, the man who gave me that advice, and me, circa 1978. I was 3, and he was a full-time single dad at only 20. No mom to help out. Just him. My old man's one badass dude, and the single biggest influence on my life. Single dads don't get the credit they deserve. I love you, Dad.
When You're Ready
Tired of Playing the Numbers Game Alone?
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